I have just read another article entitled something like "How to make your divorce less tough on your kids". And that door opened again - the door to the room labeled "Divorce is listed as the second most stressful situation…"
The article lists the following tips, to make divorce easier on your children:
And I totally agree with these tips, I am just wondering how many divorced parents frown on tips like these? We often hear parents saying that co-parenting is a pipe dream. Or that one parent carries the full weight to co-parent properly while the other parent is stone-walling the process. In practice then, the stone-walling parent would often say things like "what is wrong with my ex?, just leave me alone", or even file for a restraining order because the other parent "is crazy" – when the other parent is simply wanting to share parental responsibilities and rights.
Let's step back for a moment. You wake up in a panic 3 o'clock one morning. Your house is on fire and I suggest having a cup of tea before attempting to save life and limb.Will you not frown on my idea? Is this not the same as asking a parent to co-parent when their house is still on fire? By "house on fire" I am talking about the journey we all have to complete to put our lives, hearts and souls back together again after we divorce.
And this process is on a different timeline for each of us – no one is crazy! A friend offered the following reason: the parent filing for divorce is often so busy driving the process that they do not get time to work through their emotions – and because of this, become the stone-walling parent. Another reason might be that a parent remarries as soon as possible after the divorce to "fix the previous mistake"?
The point I am trying to make is: whatever the reason is that is keeping you from working through your divorce emotions of anger, frustration or shame – if you do not deal with your emotions, it will be tough for you to co-parent, be in a new relationship or to be a stable and happy parent to your children. Taking it out on the other parent is counter-productive and harmful to your children.
In summary, here is my version of tips to make your divorce less tough on your children: